I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
