the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
