how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
