did you get engaged???
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
