the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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