i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
