I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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