And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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