You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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