dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
