Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
