I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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