the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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