i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
