You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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