I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
