Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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