Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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