oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
