Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
