He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
