I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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