Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
