that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
