You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
