why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They took my balls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
