I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
