there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
