You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
