Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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