i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You took a bar mat shot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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