Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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