i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
