when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
