Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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