When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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