Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
