I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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