you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
