She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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