is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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