I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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