so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
