I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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