i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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