batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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