no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
