dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
