I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
