The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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