So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize