He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
