I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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