I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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