just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
