A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
