I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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