I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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