the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
