oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
