Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize