Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
