like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have aggressive nipples.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
