I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm getting married
To pizza
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
