Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
