white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
