You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
