She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
