Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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